I know why i have written in the past...often enough it was a desperate attempt at screaming out, with the only outcome wished for was that of those whom i cared for, and thought that cared for me in the same, would see, and embrace, and console me.Pathetic. Period. Vincent Van Gogh i feel was somewhat neither here nor there and was somewhat in the same mind set as I, or I was as he, and seeking the same outcome.Someone to look upon us, and recognize....A living life, full of more passion and love than any human could possibly need, and in turn it overflowed, and overdosed the soul, to the point of even too much of any good thing can be bad for a person. Overflow....spilling forth. Consuming one to a fit of expansion of the heart, to the degree it expels all with in, not being accepted. with the acceptance being in a sense....a "sponge". only the sponge was absent....the feelings from the heart became stagnant like still water in a swamp. putrid and dreary those feelings of joy and compassion became.Whats next after the bottle became empty? who else can I blame all of this on? not a single person, except that of whom I see in the mirror staring back at me. Well today, I look, and I see, for the first time, in years even, I can look, and see, I am becoming that which i feel, all kind willed souls should feel....A sense of purpose. A sense of reality, a moment of truth, and a feeling of being loved. Its beautiful. I wonder often how i got so far off in this world. And only how Lucky I have been blessed, to feel again what I and all should feel. If only we can recognize what we have in front of us. That which is before is us sometimes so simple, so genuine, and almost ghostly. Yet when they touch your face, even with only a sigh.....you know then.....Life does love us. And oh how wonderful it can be. Sometimes remembering that what we have only glimpsed....Can be so strong, and pure as well as genuine. Sometimes that what we can't see, is the most often the thing that is the most believable. at least in our hearts....Killing Loneliness... One day at a time......with a smile.